Day 7 - Communication Breakdown

Day 7 was to be one of our more interesting days.  A visit to Niagara Falls was planned, followed by a visit to the Anchor Inn in Buffalo, where one of God’s greatest gifts to man, the buffalo wing, was created.  Then it would be on to Utica, New York.  Interesting it certainly turned out to be.  

The group crossed Ontario with little trouble and no arrests.  Before long we came upon “The Falls.”  For those who have not had the opportunity, a visit to Niagara Falls in highly recommended, for not only can one experience “The Falls” but also “the falls,” as in “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”  More on this in a minute.  First, it must be understood that a group of eleven large loud motorcycles (one with a trailer) trying to find a parking space in a tourist area can be a bit of a challenge.  Parking near the falls was priced at $15 to $20, and since we had already made a major donation to the state of Michigan, we were more interested in preserving our funds.  RayGar solved this problem by leading us to a spot that not only accommodated the large group but was also free of parking fees.  One problem – it was approximately two kilometers away from The Falls.  As Canada is on the metric system we only knew the distance in kilometers, and judging by the length of time required to access The Falls from our parking spot, two kilometers was concluded to be approximately 13 ½ miles.  The ride across Ontario was shorter than the walk to The Falls.  After trudging back and forth, many of us having to stop for food, water and shelter multiple times along the say, we reassembled in the parking lot, most of us several pounds lighter at this point.  As we tried to replenish the oxygen and fluids in our bodies we observed an elderly lady crossing the parking lot with what appeared to be her younger family members.  This family, evidently anxious to get their hands on the imminent inheritance, had seen fit to drag Grandma to the parking lot, 13½ miles away for “some sightseeing and a nice refreshing stroll to the falls.”  As we watched, Grandma stumbled on a curb and commenced a slow motion rollover onto her back on the sidewalk.  With arms and legs flailing she looked rather like a large blue turtle attempting to right itself. 

Disillusioned family members bid the bikers an unconvincing thanks.

As the family members stood looking - apparently the countdown to riches had begun at that point – several of the bikers in the group rushed to assist her.   This may not have been a good thing.  Whether she was more frightened by the fall or by the sight of several large leather-clad, bearded bikers with chains hanging off of them is not clear, but in the end she was hoisted onto her feet and was able to proceed on her way.  Or so she was at our last sighting.   

Having spoiled the family’s plans for sudden wealth, it was time to climb back on the steel steeds and attempt to reenter the U.S.  It was at this point that we discovered that communication might not have been carried out to the degree necessary to make our trip an efficient one. Communication is important when a large group such as ours is traveling together.  What’s said is not always necessarily what is understood.  Take getting gas for example.  The group had filled the tanks of the thirsty machines prior to entering Canada on the previous day, for fuel in Canada is approximately $13½ dollars per gallon.  Or so it was rumored (Canadian money is metric too.)  However some of the group, those whose machines were a bit thirstier than others, ended up stopping just before visiting The Falls (and the falls) to add a bit of gas to their tanks, ensuring their ability to make it to the U.S. side.  The plan was to stop as soon as we got into Niagara Falls, New York, and fill back up with the much more affordable brand of fuel.   As we sat on the Rainbow Bridge awaiting reentry into the U.S. we watched the fuel gauges get lower and lower, for crossing the Rainbow Bridge is slightly less time consuming than a geriatric cricket match.  

Crossing the Rainbow Bridge at glacial speed. 

 Thanks to security concerns, entry into the U.S. at this particular border point has slowed considerably, and while we enjoyed the view of The Falls from this vantage point, even gazing at the amazing view of  The Falls can become tiresome after a point.  It took the better part of an hour for all of us to pass through, but eventually we all made it across the border.  Even RayGar made it without being subjected to abuse.  However, we decided that the visit to Buffalo and the Anchor Inn would have to be sacrificed if we were to get to Utica by midnight. With heavy hearts and growling stomachs the group set off in the direction of Rochester…..without gassing up.  It had  been asked if we were going to stop for gas, and the response was yes, of course.  This is where communication gets a bit fuzzy.  Just as the little old man in the car who leaves his left turn signal on indefinitely intends to turn left……eventually, so is the intention to stop for gas.   

A spare can of gas saves Winnie.

Some of us had failed to get the memo that the immediate stop on the U.S. side had been eliminated, and as the city of Niagara Falls gave way to farms and vast expanses of fields it occurred to some of us that the plan to fill back up on the U.S. side had been altered.  Ron was the first to fall victim.  Winnie coughed, sputtered, and fell silent as she depleted her mix of American and Canadian fuel.  

Luckily one forward thinking member of the group had a spare tank of gas, which allowed Winnie to limp to a “station.”  Station is being kind, for the small shack had but one pump, one bathroom, and very little room for eleven bikes and fourteen people.  Perhaps we had stumbled onto a clue as to why we were perpetually hours and hours behind schedule. We did, however, manage to get all of the tanks full all at the same time.

With full tanks all around we set off for Utica…..and trouble ensued.  Details won’t be portrayed here, but suffice it to say the once again communication issues resulted in some “challenges” to the group’s progress  Some memorable quotes were uttered, another delay occurred and we each learned that all people in a group of eleven bikes do not necessarily adhere to the same style of riding.  With that understanding we made our way to Utica where once again we arrived after most restaurants had stopped serving, so it was time for another parking lot session - this time without the pizza. 

Enjoying happy hour - on the sidewalks of Utica, New York.

The group was only one day from its final destination.  But reaching Maine would prove to be more challenging than expected.  More in the next edition of The Oreo Expedition……

Day 6, Part 2 - Exploring The Mitt

Day 6 part 2 marked the full assembled group that would travel to New Hampshire; approximately eleven bikes and fourteen people.  Seeing as how at the time of this writing the events are more than three weeks old, the following events may or may not have really occurred.  

What is known is that near the end of Day 6 we eventually came upon and crossed the Mackinac Bridge, which links Michigan’s Upper Peninsula with the Lower……well, it was often referred to as “The Mitt” by RayGar, which is probably better than calling it “the place everyone leaves for vacations.”  Our hope was to reach the bridge in late afternoon or early evening, allowing us to enjoy the thrill of crossing one of the world’s longest suspension bridges  It is officially billed as “world's longest suspension bridge between anchorages,” which seems to be a technicality to allow it to be distinguished from “the world’s longest suspension bridge between two dead bloated whales” or “the world’s longest suspension bridge between two states that are really the same state.”  Nevertheless, we were looking forward to getting to the “Mighty Mac” and crossing it.  Instead this is what we saw:

The Mackinac Bridge as seen by the weary riders.

Somehow we had fallen approximately eight or nine hours behind schedule – a theme that would come to personify the entire trip despite speeds routinely exceeding posted limits by…..ummm considerable margins.  We managed to get to our hotel on “the mitt” just before it closed (the hotel, not the mitt), tired, hungry, and thirsty.  With virtually no restaurants open (because even late shift cooks have to sleep sometime) it was decided to order pizza and of course garnish it with some beer.  Off went RayGar and some of the crew to fetch some beer from the local beer supplier….where they were promptly identified by local law enforcement as…..trouble.  Mostly because they were riding large loud motorcycles in the wrong direction…. on a one-way street…..in the wee hours of the morning...with foreign license plates.  With flashing lights ablaze our crew pleaded that they were unfamiliar with “the mitt” and the sympathetic officer allowed them to go on their way allowing the rest of us law abiding types to enjoy a parking lot pizza and beer party….until the fellow guests lodged complaints about the loud obnoxious people out in the parking lot.  By that time most of the goods had been consumed and the patrons had either drifted to their rooms or passed out.  Either way our Official First Day of the Museum Tour had concluded.

On the following morning it was decided that since we had traveled all the way up to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula without enjoying the site of the Mackinac Bridge, perhaps we could see it during the day.  After all we were only a beer run away from the bridge.  So we traveled back to the bridge, crossed it again, ending up back on the U.P. (as the locals – and now we) refer to it.  It should be mentioned that crossing the bridge demands a fee.  Four dollars per motorcycle in fact.  And if you’re pulling a trailer, as one of our tour members was, then it is six dollars.  Two bucks per axle.  It doesn’t matter that your axles are mere inches wide – two bucks per axle.  Now that we had crossed the bridge, it was time to continue our journey – which meant…….crossing the bridge yet again.  

Significantly lighter in the wallets, the riders prepare to cross the Mackinac Bridge yet again

Given the number of bikes (and trailers) in our group we estimate that our entire tour contributed roughly $216 to the state of Michigan thanks to bridge crossings alone.  Whether this money goes to the U.P. or “The Mitt” we’re not sure, but it very likely exceeds what we estimate is the total that the city of Detroit has been able to collect in taxes over the past year, so we left feeling positive about our experience.  

After this it was on to visit a unique area of The Mitt, referred to as The Blur of Trees, sometimes known by those who travel through it at reasonable speeds as The Tunnel of Trees.  The Blur is a 27 miles stretch of highway that is enclosed by a canopy of trees.  It has all of the attractions that motorcyclists love - curvy road, picturesque landscape, and unpredictable cage drivers that routinely cross the centerline in a 180 degree turn.  Since getting behind on our schedule had become a problem on the tour, RayGar took it upon himself to urge us on through the trees at a speed that likely would not have been okayed by a sympathetic officer.  Luckily we had a special high speed camera available that gives an approximation of what the Blur of Trees looks like when one is not traveling through it like Wiley Coyote riding an ACME rocket.

Special high speed camera catches the
trees that form the Blur of Trees

Having survived the Blur of Trees we looked at our progress and determined that despite RayGar’s expeditious attempts, we were still behind schedule.  Options were discussed and it was decided that not only would the All Bacon restaurant be sacrificed, but so too would be the thumb of The Mitt.  Such are the complications that come with such a journey.  This allowed us to reach the evening’s stop in Sarnia, Ontario only four hours past the scheduled time.  Perhaps we might have been a little earlier had not a certain RayGar been identified as a suspicious entrant at the U.S./Canada border.  While the entire Museum Tour party sailed through immigration without a problem, poor RayGar was asked to “please pull over to that inspection station, sir.”  Speculation that he answered questions such as “where were you born” and ‘what is your purpose in Canada” with “I'm just here for the syrup” remains.  While the rest of us looked on, RayGar’s bike was completely unloaded, every bag opened and we’re pretty sure we saw a pair of Mounties with whips, chains and fishnet stockings.  Eventually the “inspection” was concluded and we were all on our way to the evening’s rest in Sarnia. Day 6 had mercifully come to a close......

Day 6 - Day At the Museum

The museum tour officially began with our arrival in Milwaukee and the subsequent day's visit to the Harley Davidson Museum.  Our crew that had assembled in Omaha, plus several other Road Gliders making their way to Maine, had consolidated at the Ramada Inn in downtown Milwaukee and we numbered approximately 13 bikes and 18 persons.  The museum has been over 100 years in the making and only recently was opened to the public.  For all but two of our assembled crew this was the first visit to this hallowed place.  Our museum tour leader, Raygar (Had Mr. Garvin been born in the sixteenth century, he would most definitely been a Viking - quite possibly one of the Berzerkers - so he shall be referred to in future posts as "Raygar," as in Raygar The Horrible.) in an effort to make our tour an efficient one, had requested that the tour members depart the hotel early in the morning so that we could get to the museum before they opened, thus avoiding a line.  That time was 8:00 a.m.  The tour members dutifully complied, assembling promptly at 7:45, riding all of three blocks in parade formation to the museum, and indeed we avoided any lines.......because the museum does in fact not open until 9:00 a.m.  On the plus side we got some of the choicest parking spots one could ever ask for and plenty of chances to gaze at and take pictures of the famous Hill Climber statue that sits in front of the museum. 

The Hill Climber statue and an intruder.

Oh, we took pictures.  There was, in fact, nothing else to do but take pictures.  We might be able to start out own museum of the statue in front of the museum, we took so many pictures. 

Finally the museum opened, and we ventured in to view the items on display.  For the true Harley enthusiast this is without doubt the place to go.  The early history of the Harley-Davidson Motor Company is surprisingly well detailed in its presentation, and the evolution of the bikes from the first crude model, most of which pieced together and displayed in a gleaming case, to the models presently being offered are laid out in superb fashion.  If you love Harley and everything associated with the "Harley Lifestyle," a visit to the museum is highly recommended. 

After our visit, which was only about three hours, too little time, really, we were summoned to depart.  But before vacating the city of Milwaukee it was decided that we should make the trek over to Harley headquarters, several miles away from the museum.  The headquarters building is located in the exact same location where the very first Harley was put together by William Harley and the Davidson brothers.  A trip to headquarters for the Harley rider is essentially a visit to the biker Mecca.  One can pose with the bike on the corner for a unique photo that is sure to constitute the bikers version the family Christmas Card.  With our large group it was decided that the tour members would line up, riding to the photo spot one by one, where yours truly would snap a photo, then shoo the member away, allowing the next member to pose similarly. 

At this point it must be explained that not all bikes on our little tour were in fact Harley-Davidson motorcycles.  Ben, our youngest (and by definition most naive of our members) saw fit to ride his Triumph on our little tour.  As the tour members took their turns getting highly desired photos taken at the biker mecca, Ben, showing no regard whatsoever for the protocol of the bikers, dutifully took his place in front of the Harley-Davidson Bar and Shield sculpture, apparently believing that he was in fact riding a Harley. 

What's wrong with this picture?

It is believed that much like the stories of young children who have been raised by wolves actually believe they are wolves, Ben, having spent so much time with real bikers, apparently believed he was also on a Harley.  We didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise, and we allowed him to have his Triumph photographed in front of Harley headquarters.  The security guard standing nearby could only shake his head in total disbelief. 

Finally we were able to escape Milwaukee where more tour members on the way to Maine joined us at Doc's HD of Shawano County.  Doc is clearly a disturbed man, for this is not your everyday Harley dealer....unless you consider having a museum, a lighthouse, and a zoo normal fare for a motorcycle dealer.  And don't forget the Harley powered picnic table and the famous Timeline Motorcycle, which seats ten people and has one each of the motor company's different engines.  This is an actual working bike that was ridden into Sturgis in 2009. 

The Timeline motorcycle is just one of Doc's bizarre creations. 

We were too stunned to spend any more time at this wonderland and decided that we had to get going so that we could get north so that we could view and cross the Mackinac Bridge, the famous bridge that connects Michigan's upper and lower peninsulas.  But you'll have to wait until the next installment when we present the Michigan portion of our adventure. 

Lost A Friend Today

I lost a good friend today.  When you go on journeys such as the ones I've enjoyed on my motorcycle you tend to get close to those who have shared the experiences with you.  Four years ago, when my first long trip on the Roadglide was being planned, I knew I was going to take in the first gathering of the Roadglide.org forum members as part of my 48 state tour of the U.S.  The event had only recently been dubbed Shark Week, a take-off on the meeting of the owners of Harley's "shark nose" model.  In search of a traveling companion, I had come across a golf club head cover that resembled a stuffed shark, so I decided to purchase it and strapped it onto my tour pack-mounted travel suitcase.  I decided that my companion was a female and obviously my female companion needed a name.  My bike had a name and the woman in my GPS had a name.  (I believe I have a mild case on anthropomorphism, a tendency to assign names to inanimate objects.  I say mild because although my motorcycle and GPS have names, my socks, underwear and drinking cup do not have names……OK, although the cup may occasionally be referred to as "Sippy" now and then, that does not necessarily constitute a name.)  One more name assigned to an inanimate object couldn't exacerbate the disorder that much I reasoned.  So she was dubbed Sigourney, a name that carries the noble meaning of "conqueror."  Originally intended to imply winning the intended cross-country rally that initiated the first trip, this seemed appropriate.  Plus it rhymed with Journey.  So my companion was assigned the unique name of Sigourney.  She even became my avatar on the internet forum that is the genesis of these annual gatherings.  Sigourney was a happy traveler, her tail wagging happily as we would slice through the air.  She would lift her head and take in the air as it rushed by.  She obviously enjoyed rolling across the country on the Harley as much as I did.

 Children in cars would wave to her as I passed by and parents would take their childrens' pictures with her in our journeys.  She would travel to  every shark week with me faithfully and the people at the event would greet her by name.  She was as much a part of Shark Week as donuts and firewood.  And she was on her way to her fourth event.

And then it happened.  I went to the bike today and she was gone - nowhere to be found.  Her tell-tale red bungie cords gone as well - missing without a trace.  Somewhere between Omaha and Milwaukee she took leave.  All of our traveling companions looked for her, but none were able to locate here. 

I am actually saddened by this.  How does one become attached to what are essentially a couple of pieces of cloth sewn together to protect a golf club?  I suppose it's something along the lines of Tom Hanks and his volleyball companion Wilson in the Castaway movie.  Psychologists probably have some explanation for this.  I don't really care.  All I know is my loyal companion is gone and the journey somehow seems a little bit less complete.  Here is the last known photo of Sigourney.  She looks rather good against the backdrop of the Rocky Mountains, don't you think? 

We will forge onward and we will have fun I'm sure.  But it would be awfully nice to have my inexplicably close inanimate companion along for the fun.

The Stop Sign Tour of Whitewater, Wisconsin

Whitewater is a wonderful little Wisconsin town, home of the University of Wisconsin at Whitewater.  It is populated by 14,505 people and it has 27 streets and 127 stop signs.  We know this because we came upon every one of them, some of them twice.  The Omaha crew had elected to forgo the crowded interstate, opting instead for the scenic route that would allow us to enjoy some twists, turns, and two lane fun.  That seemed like a good idea, and indeed it was a much better alternative than the super slab.  Until we reached the town of Whitewater, that is.  On a map it appeared that the highway would take us directly through the town.  Unfortunately what's on a map does not necessarily reflect what's on the planet's surface. 

Highway 59?  Go left and/or straight.

Such was the case in Whitewater, where home-made detour signs directed us slightly off of the intended route.  And then slightly more…..and even more slightly more.  At every decision point there seemed to be a stop sign.  And indecision.  When we had passed the same lemonade stand and the same yard sale three times it occurred to us that we were not making any headway.  Beatrice, the stern woman in the GPS who tells us where to turn, grew so agitated that she eventually blurted out, "I give up, YOU figure it out!" and the magenta "go this way" map turned into the image of a pretzel. 

Stop signs abound in Whitewater

The water tower enjoyed our antics

You know it's bad when the town water tower is laughing at you. 

The only thing missing was cobblestones (insiders will understand that reference).

Eventually women in housecoats  tiring of the endless noise from our exhaust pipes, emerged from their homes (trailing infants who were holding their hands over their ears) all of whom were gesturing in one general direction that we assumed was the path out of town.  Fortunately we finally exited the town and were on our way to Milwaukee, home of Harley Davidson, Miller beer, and the worst lederhosen since Colonel Klink.  More about that in next day's edition.

Day 4.5/5 - Travelodge, One Star

As Day 4 drew to a close, the crew, riding through yet more rain, decided that with the sun going down, it would be advisable to park the iron steeds for the night.  We found ourselves in the town of Sterling, Colorado.  We were planning on meeting new riding companion Curtis and wife Lisa in the morning, who were coming from the Loveland, CO area.  They were planning to stop for breakfast in the town of Sterling, so the decision was made to grab a local room.  Plenty of hotels to choose from here, so we cruised over to the area that included the always reliable Comfort Inn and the always affordable Super 8.  Upon pulling into the common parking lot for the two hotels, we discovered a hidden gem, a Tavelodge.  Perfect for us, for it would might allow us to obtain some rooms that would permit us to park the bikes near the door.  Bikers prefer this alternative for a couple of reasons; one, it is easier to cart one's belongings between bike and room and two, it allows one to better keep an eye on the bikes.  The Travelodge looked a little more run down….OK, a LOT more run down, than the Super 8, and in fact the sign on what was left of the office instructed potential guests to check in at the Super 8.   Rooms were available at both locations, but Megan, the front desk girl, let us know that the rooms at the Travelodge were twenty dollars cheaper.  Perfect - better access AND twenty dollars cheaper.  A no brainer!!

No brainer can be interpreted in different ways.  One interpretation is that no contemplation is required in making a decision.  That would not apply to us in this case.  Instead it is more appropriate to identify the crew has having no brain among the three of them.  This was evident upon pulling up to the rooms as we came upon our evening's next door neighbors, three…..ummm "working" persons who were evidently relaxing after a hard day of work by consuming a case of beer…..each.  One of the workers was sprawled on the concrete sidewalk with his head resting on the concrete threshold to the room door, beer balanced on his stomach, and multiple empty beers in piles,  all folded in half and half-heartedly crushed, no doubt for collecting in plastic bags and taking to the recycle center....to afford the next night's beer.  The other two workers were poster boys for what not to do with tattoos.  The three of them looked at us with a mix of curiosity and haze.  Welcome to the Travelodge.  It went downhill from there.

We saved twenty bucks by opting for the Travelodge, whose pool was closed "for cleaning."

Upon entering the room we found that only half of the lights worked, the hot water handle in the shower was inoperative and the air conditioner blew warmer air into the room than what was available outside.  One of the pillows had blood stains on it, and spiders had constructed a mosaic on the wall that served as the only available wall treatment.  We also found that the toilet was running so slowly that flushing proved to be the Travelodge equivalent of residing along the Mississippi River in the spring.  Off to the Super 8 front desk to ask for a plunger.  Our friend Megan was there trying to check in additional arrivals (who had the good sense to opt for the Super 8), while a gentleman resembling Jack Nicholson's character in The Shining stood at the desk complaining that his room had no towels.  We suspected that he needed towels to clean up after that evening's axe murders.  While trying to attend to that, she also asked us what we needed and we delicately asked if there was something available, a plunger perhaps, to address our problem.  She frowned and said she didn't believe they had one.  This seemed a little strange to us, for 200 room hotels probably had plumbing problems from time to time.  At that same time, another worker came by the desk and Megan asked her about the availability of a plunger.  The other worker responded by saying that housekeeping would know.  Upon calling housekeeping she discovered that a plunger was available from the hotel "up the hill" and they would be bringing one down.  We asked if we should wait and she said sure, we could wait, but not favoring the image of walking all the way back to the room with plunger in hand we asked if the person "up the hill" might drop it by the room.  Megan responded with a yes…..we think.  Back to the room we went, awaiting our plunger, leaving behind the axe murdered, who was making no headway in obtaining towels for his room.  Five minutes, ten minutes, and eventually an hour went by and no person bearing a plunger arrived.  We called up the front desk (surprisingly the phone worked) and the response was "oh, I didn't know Megan was supposed to take care of that."  After waiting another hour, we decided that the plunger was not going to arrive, closed and locked the door, and uneasily drifted off to sleep.  Whether Jack Nicholson ever got his towels in unknown. Somehow we suspect that he might have gotten a plunger though.

Day 4 had presented us with a mounting number of "interesting experiences" and we still had 14 days to go.  We can't wait to see how much better it gets. 

Day 4 - Rocky Mountain and T-Shirt Prices High

Day 4 and we have only covered four states.  At this rate we won't make Maine until November.  Which might not be so bad because based on the sites seen today we wouldn't mind spending a little more time in this magnificent place.  Today was the ride through Rocky Mountain National Park, a place so unreal, with such majestic views that it cannot be comprehended without seeing it in person.

Ron's Bike was the Highest Harley in the U.S. at the Time of This Photo

At an elevation of 12,183 feet, Highway 34 is the highest road in the U.S.  It is literally breathtaking as Kenny discovered when he made a little pitstop.  Climbing up the hill from an improvised restroom, he nearly had to be resuscitated. 

Kenny Recovers After Having Left His Mark

Along with taking one's breath away the elevation also seems to affect certain peoples' brains in certain ways, especially those who work there for great lengths of time.  While stopped near a spot where road work was taking place, one construction worker wandered over to us and asked if we would like to see his impersonation of a sad catfish.  Now who could resist an offer like that?  Of course we did, and this is the result. 

Sad Catfish at 12,000 Feet

What is it, exactly that attracts these people to us?  We laughed politely, thanked him and mercifully, the traffic backup was over and we were able to escape the sad catfish.

One of the activities that Harley riders seem to love to engage in on road trips is collecting T-shirts from the local Harley-Davidson dealers.  It's not quite clear what the attraction is.  Whether it's a "hey, look where I've been" thing or a memory for the purchaser is not totally known by riders.  Showing off the fact that you traveled to Victorville, CA and picked up a shirt is not held in real high regard by many so it must be something else. 

Harley certainly is aware of this desire, and they are not shy about taking full advantage of the  demand, charging anywhere from $32 to $50 for a shirt.  Like many of you who are reading this, we too are guilty of this odd pursuit.  One of us, however, had a little problem justifying paying that much for what he referred to as a "ridiculously overpriced" shirt.  (This same man, mind you, has a 2800 square foot devoted only to his motorcycles.)  Perhaps justification of overpricing can be argued in the case of some unique shirts picked up by fellow Road Glider and Shark Week attendee, Q-Hog. It seems that Q,who sometimes finds himself in Dubai with nothing better to do than shop for ridiculously overpriced shirts, will sometimes pick up some "Harley of Dubai" T-shirts, which go for a tad more than $32.  How much is not clear, but what is clear is that anything more than a dollar is probably too much.  You see, one such shirt proved to have a little too much strength in the elastic collar - so much strength if fact, that when placed over the owners head, the elastic collar was stronger that the shirt material itself....to the point where the entire shirt tore out just below the collar leaving the subject with a very loose fitting shirt around the body and an attractive matching cloth halo lying on the top of his head.  Perhaps that's a tactic used by Dubai residents to remain cool. 

But we digress.  Back to the subject at hand, Troy had refused to purchase a shirt at the Durango dealer, and he was equally offended by the prices charged by the Silverton dealer (who sells plenty of shirts, but no motorcycles).  As we found ourselves exiting Rocky Mountain National Park, once again accompanied by lightning and thunder and drenching rain, we decided to head toward Thunder Mountain Harley in Loveland, CO.  After all we were subjected to thunder and mountains so it  seemed only right to commemorate the occasion.  Troy was determined to get a reasonably priced shirt at this location.  We walked in, proceeded directly to the T-shirt location and found plenty of.......ridiculously overpriced shirts.  Most of them, in fact, were priced at $38 plus tax, which is an extraordinary 9% in Colorado.  While the rest of us snapped up T-shirts like vacuum cleaners, Troy let out an audible groan and resigned himself to ending this trip with no shirts to show for it.  However, as we dawdled and gawked at the new bikes and all of the people that had stopped by on the way to Sturgis, we saw signs of weakness.  Troy stealthily made his way back to the T-shirt shop, looked again at the prices, then shook his head again and walked away.........for a minute, until turning back and finally succumbing.  He made us all note that he was in fact knuckling under and purchasing a ridiculously overpriced T-shirt, but the pain was all too obvious.  We hope that it doesn't cause too much duress should he ever actually don that shirt.  Secretly we all celebrated.

After the painful purchase it was time for Troy and companion to part ways with us.  They were not able to take the time to go to Maine, and thus chose to turn around and head back to St. George.  We said a sad goodbye, packed our own ridiculously overpriced T-shirts and headed eastward to find a room for the night.....which is another story that has too much content to reveal at this point, because it is late and we will be departing in a mere five hours.  More on the Oreo Crew's accommodations in our next edition. 

Thanks to all who are enjoying our exploits and who are providing us with comments.  The expedition continues......

Day 3 - Million Dollar Day

Day Three began with an uneasy feeling as the bikes, despite being parked under shelter, were saturated with rain residue - what most people refer to as "water."  Kenny, for reasons not quite clear to the rest of us, proceeded to wipe his bike down (FYI, bikers don't just clean their bikes - they either detail them, which takes approximately twelve hours and 18 beers, or they "wipe them down" which is a token effort amounting to something less than an hour - and only six beers).  This act, as all good road warriors know, is a curse tantamount to donning rain gear or washing one's car.  Indeed, as we departed, with deer dashing across the road in search of leftover waffles from the "hot breakfast bar" the rain began to inundate us again.  Bearable, but once we set out in the direction of Colorado the clouds turned the color of a shoe polish beard and lightning resembling Dr. Frankenstein's lab filled the sky.  Fortunately the lightning moved off, but the heavy rain inundated the riders for a period of time, sufficient to soak the newly dried jockey shorts and compression socks.  

That was a small price to pay, however, for today was the ride on the Million Dollar Highway, highway 550, which runs from Durango Colorado to Ouray in some of the most spectacular country imaginable.  At elevations reaching 11,460 feet, the views are some of the most amazing sites that anyone could imagine.  And for a biker, some of the most technical, challenging and outright fun roads anywhere in the world. 

Nothing like a little moisture, extreme twisties, and
a 15 degree slope to make the trip interesting.

The rain was off and on, off when the crew would stop to play tourist, at which point they would shed their rain gear, and on immediately upon setting off from the point where the rain gear had just been shed.  Taking the tight 540 degree turns on moist roads certainly got our attention, but we all managed to stay upright and sustained no incidents. 




A definite highlight along the way was a stop in the old mining town of Silverton.  Silverton sits at 9,308 feet, high enough to make passing gas a challenge to those used to sea level exertions.  We decided that lunch would be an ideal way to address this complication and proceeded to treat ourselves, as any good biker would, to a meal at the local barbeque pit.  And we knew it was a good barbeque place because upon entering we witnessed a guest with a child of approximately two years slung over his shoulder with a bottle of barbeque sauce in his hand. 

This kid loved the BBQ sauce

He was advising the restaurant personnel that it might be advisable to replace the bottle because as he put it "my son liked the sauce so much that he was sucking the sauce out of the nozzle of the bottle."  Really now, can there possibly be a better endorsement of a restaurant's quality? 

As good as the meal was, the best part was saved for last, for the restaurant, somehow based on an event with saw Guy Fieri feature the place on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, saw fit to declare deep fried Twinkies as Guy's favored offering for desert.  Well, of course we needed no more incentive than that to order up a couple of of these tasty treats…..which we regretted immediately upon the first swallow.  Delicious but awful at the same time. 

Day 2 - Spectacular Beauty in Utah

If you ever doubted the existence of God, a Supreme Being, the Big Guy, whatever deity you may choose to discount you need to come and ride the roads of Utah.  And you will be convinced, as we are, that only God is capable of creating such grandeur. 

We had spent a great deal of time in and around St. George during the previous year, both in preparation for and during Shark Week III.  Certainly Zion National Park, Cedar Breaks, Bryce Canyon, and the Grand Canyon are some of the most stunning sites anywhere in the world.  But that was a case of "been there, done that" for these road veterans.  There was a whole undiscovered part of Utah that even native Troy, who has lived in Utah for all but seven of his soon-to-be-forty years of existence, had not seen.

The morning greeted us with sprinkles of rain, just a light dusting was how our host described it.  Nothing too bad - shouldn't last long.  We proceeded to  assemble our gear and prepped the bikes and began to back out of Troy's garage, which arguably could put the Ferrari research department and building to shame.  To say that Troy's bike garage is large and impressive is to say that Chrissy Teagan is kind of cute. 

Every Biker's Dream Garage

As we backed out to the street we noted Troy pulling on a full rain suit, boot covers, and little windshield washers for his helmet.  The California guys, none of whom had seen rain for at least 364 days, looked at each other wondering what exactly might constitute a major rain concern.  Shrugging, we brushed it off.  Note to selves:  when native folks don rain gear, it would be advisable to follow suit. 

Departing St. George the California contingent noted that the rain was indeed just a light dusting and did not appear to be long-lasting......until out pants felt somewhat moist.....and small rooster tails began to appear beneath the tires of the riders up front....and Troy's little windshield washers went into high speed mode. It was official - we were riding in rain.  Oddly, one of us was uncharacteristically happy about this.  You see, the riders had decided to conduct a Rain Milage Pool, which had the two losers buying dinner for the one winner who pegged the point at which we would first run into rain. 

Winner Winner, He Gets Dinner

Ron had chosen somewhere in Colorado, Kenny had chosen some remote city called Papillion, NE, and oddly, Mark had chosen Cedar City, Utah, which was about five miles from where we officially decided that it was rain.  So it is that Mark will be treated to a delicious meal, all expenses paid.........at Hillbilly Hot Dogs!!

Braving the rain, the group forged through Utah all the way to......Utah.  Yes, that's how beautiful Utah is - we couldn't even bear to leave it as we tried to force ourselves toward Maine.  Somehow we put 453 miles on the bikes today, yet at this writing we are still in the state.  Almost out, though!

One last experience to pass along - having checked into our hotel, when asking about a good place to dine in Monticello, Utah, we were advised to go to the best place in town, the D & C Restaurant.  Apparently D & C stands for Dilated and Crowning, for out hostess/waitress/cashier was by all accounts roughly eleven months pregnant. 

Order for five.....make that eleven!!

We swear we could hear contractions as we placed our orders off the kiddy menu - yes the kiddy menu.  Fearing the commencement of labor, we thought that was the most expeditious order.  We were hungry after all.  The story ends well - we got our meals and the world now has a new set of sextuplets, easily doubling the population of Monticello.

The adventure continues tomorrow as we venture into and through the state of Colorado.  Can that be any more eventful than today? 

Day 1 - Two Troubled Helmets

ll it didn't take long to stumble upon our first character.  Our very first fuel stop resulted in a fascinating meeting with a gentleman named Anthony. 

Anthony approached us…..errr make that staggered toward us with a look of curiosity mixed with puzzlement mixed with….a stupor.  Of course the first question everyone seems to ask is "Where ya headin'?"  and that's what Anthony wanted to know.  We told him he wouldn't believe us and he challenged us to try him.  "Maine" was the response.  "Whoa, no way!!! Really? as he staggered back against the wall.  Once recovered he informed us that he too was heading out on the road….To Denver….on a lawnmower.  A John Deere lawnmower.  Problem was we didn't see a lawnmower anywhere near the gas pumps.  We noted that he already had the helmet, but he shook his head and informed us that the helmet was for a tumor.  Oops.  After some small talk, which included his imminent quarter million dollar windfall and his seven years of living on the streets, by choice, he emphasized, he asked us where we were heading.  Maine we told him.  "Whoa, no way!!! was his response….again.  Then he got to the point, which was to ask for a little money so he could get a beer.  We happily complied and bid our new friend Anthony adieu. 

Anthony - Ready to Head to Denver on His Lawnmower

Things proceeded without any significant events as we made our way through California and Nevada.  Not more than a mile into Arizona Ron was leading the gang through a wonderful two-lane section of old highway 91 enjoying the scenic beauty and the rolling, twisting road....until he noted that his faithful companions, Kenny and Mark, were no longer behind him.  Standard motorcycling procedure calls for the group from which the separation occurs to stop and wait for the separated group to catch up.  The group of one, which was the group that had been separated from, did just that, pulling over, and watching the mirrors in vain for headlights to appear.  After several minutes when no such headlights appeared the separated from group turned around looking for the stranded followers.  It didn't take long to find the two followers with bikes pulled over to the side of the road and the followers roaming across the two lane highway collecting.....things.  Things that looked vaguely familiar to Ron.  It took a while for the items to come into focus, the most recognizable of which was a large white helmet.  Hmm, Ron thought to himself, that helmet looks like the one that was tied to the back of.........oh, crap! 

Yes rolling down the scenic, beautiful, rolling, twisting two lane highway has somehow resulted in dislodging the helmet which was described by the followers as having "exploded" off the back of Ron's bike.  Scratch one modular Shuberth C3 helmet.  Maybe Anthony can put it to good use on his journey to Denver.