Day 4 - Rocky Mountain and T-Shirt Prices High

Day 4 and we have only covered four states.  At this rate we won't make Maine until November.  Which might not be so bad because based on the sites seen today we wouldn't mind spending a little more time in this magnificent place.  Today was the ride through Rocky Mountain National Park, a place so unreal, with such majestic views that it cannot be comprehended without seeing it in person.

Ron's Bike was the Highest Harley in the U.S. at the Time of This Photo

At an elevation of 12,183 feet, Highway 34 is the highest road in the U.S.  It is literally breathtaking as Kenny discovered when he made a little pitstop.  Climbing up the hill from an improvised restroom, he nearly had to be resuscitated. 

Kenny Recovers After Having Left His Mark

Along with taking one's breath away the elevation also seems to affect certain peoples' brains in certain ways, especially those who work there for great lengths of time.  While stopped near a spot where road work was taking place, one construction worker wandered over to us and asked if we would like to see his impersonation of a sad catfish.  Now who could resist an offer like that?  Of course we did, and this is the result. 

Sad Catfish at 12,000 Feet

What is it, exactly that attracts these people to us?  We laughed politely, thanked him and mercifully, the traffic backup was over and we were able to escape the sad catfish.

One of the activities that Harley riders seem to love to engage in on road trips is collecting T-shirts from the local Harley-Davidson dealers.  It's not quite clear what the attraction is.  Whether it's a "hey, look where I've been" thing or a memory for the purchaser is not totally known by riders.  Showing off the fact that you traveled to Victorville, CA and picked up a shirt is not held in real high regard by many so it must be something else. 

Harley certainly is aware of this desire, and they are not shy about taking full advantage of the  demand, charging anywhere from $32 to $50 for a shirt.  Like many of you who are reading this, we too are guilty of this odd pursuit.  One of us, however, had a little problem justifying paying that much for what he referred to as a "ridiculously overpriced" shirt.  (This same man, mind you, has a 2800 square foot devoted only to his motorcycles.)  Perhaps justification of overpricing can be argued in the case of some unique shirts picked up by fellow Road Glider and Shark Week attendee, Q-Hog. It seems that Q,who sometimes finds himself in Dubai with nothing better to do than shop for ridiculously overpriced shirts, will sometimes pick up some "Harley of Dubai" T-shirts, which go for a tad more than $32.  How much is not clear, but what is clear is that anything more than a dollar is probably too much.  You see, one such shirt proved to have a little too much strength in the elastic collar - so much strength if fact, that when placed over the owners head, the elastic collar was stronger that the shirt material itself....to the point where the entire shirt tore out just below the collar leaving the subject with a very loose fitting shirt around the body and an attractive matching cloth halo lying on the top of his head.  Perhaps that's a tactic used by Dubai residents to remain cool. 

But we digress.  Back to the subject at hand, Troy had refused to purchase a shirt at the Durango dealer, and he was equally offended by the prices charged by the Silverton dealer (who sells plenty of shirts, but no motorcycles).  As we found ourselves exiting Rocky Mountain National Park, once again accompanied by lightning and thunder and drenching rain, we decided to head toward Thunder Mountain Harley in Loveland, CO.  After all we were subjected to thunder and mountains so it  seemed only right to commemorate the occasion.  Troy was determined to get a reasonably priced shirt at this location.  We walked in, proceeded directly to the T-shirt location and found plenty of.......ridiculously overpriced shirts.  Most of them, in fact, were priced at $38 plus tax, which is an extraordinary 9% in Colorado.  While the rest of us snapped up T-shirts like vacuum cleaners, Troy let out an audible groan and resigned himself to ending this trip with no shirts to show for it.  However, as we dawdled and gawked at the new bikes and all of the people that had stopped by on the way to Sturgis, we saw signs of weakness.  Troy stealthily made his way back to the T-shirt shop, looked again at the prices, then shook his head again and walked away.........for a minute, until turning back and finally succumbing.  He made us all note that he was in fact knuckling under and purchasing a ridiculously overpriced T-shirt, but the pain was all too obvious.  We hope that it doesn't cause too much duress should he ever actually don that shirt.  Secretly we all celebrated.

After the painful purchase it was time for Troy and companion to part ways with us.  They were not able to take the time to go to Maine, and thus chose to turn around and head back to St. George.  We said a sad goodbye, packed our own ridiculously overpriced T-shirts and headed eastward to find a room for the night.....which is another story that has too much content to reveal at this point, because it is late and we will be departing in a mere five hours.  More on the Oreo Crew's accommodations in our next edition. 

Thanks to all who are enjoying our exploits and who are providing us with comments.  The expedition continues......

Day 3 - Million Dollar Day

Day Three began with an uneasy feeling as the bikes, despite being parked under shelter, were saturated with rain residue - what most people refer to as "water."  Kenny, for reasons not quite clear to the rest of us, proceeded to wipe his bike down (FYI, bikers don't just clean their bikes - they either detail them, which takes approximately twelve hours and 18 beers, or they "wipe them down" which is a token effort amounting to something less than an hour - and only six beers).  This act, as all good road warriors know, is a curse tantamount to donning rain gear or washing one's car.  Indeed, as we departed, with deer dashing across the road in search of leftover waffles from the "hot breakfast bar" the rain began to inundate us again.  Bearable, but once we set out in the direction of Colorado the clouds turned the color of a shoe polish beard and lightning resembling Dr. Frankenstein's lab filled the sky.  Fortunately the lightning moved off, but the heavy rain inundated the riders for a period of time, sufficient to soak the newly dried jockey shorts and compression socks.  

That was a small price to pay, however, for today was the ride on the Million Dollar Highway, highway 550, which runs from Durango Colorado to Ouray in some of the most spectacular country imaginable.  At elevations reaching 11,460 feet, the views are some of the most amazing sites that anyone could imagine.  And for a biker, some of the most technical, challenging and outright fun roads anywhere in the world. 

Nothing like a little moisture, extreme twisties, and
a 15 degree slope to make the trip interesting.

The rain was off and on, off when the crew would stop to play tourist, at which point they would shed their rain gear, and on immediately upon setting off from the point where the rain gear had just been shed.  Taking the tight 540 degree turns on moist roads certainly got our attention, but we all managed to stay upright and sustained no incidents. 




A definite highlight along the way was a stop in the old mining town of Silverton.  Silverton sits at 9,308 feet, high enough to make passing gas a challenge to those used to sea level exertions.  We decided that lunch would be an ideal way to address this complication and proceeded to treat ourselves, as any good biker would, to a meal at the local barbeque pit.  And we knew it was a good barbeque place because upon entering we witnessed a guest with a child of approximately two years slung over his shoulder with a bottle of barbeque sauce in his hand. 

This kid loved the BBQ sauce

He was advising the restaurant personnel that it might be advisable to replace the bottle because as he put it "my son liked the sauce so much that he was sucking the sauce out of the nozzle of the bottle."  Really now, can there possibly be a better endorsement of a restaurant's quality? 

As good as the meal was, the best part was saved for last, for the restaurant, somehow based on an event with saw Guy Fieri feature the place on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, saw fit to declare deep fried Twinkies as Guy's favored offering for desert.  Well, of course we needed no more incentive than that to order up a couple of of these tasty treats…..which we regretted immediately upon the first swallow.  Delicious but awful at the same time. 

Day 2 - Spectacular Beauty in Utah

If you ever doubted the existence of God, a Supreme Being, the Big Guy, whatever deity you may choose to discount you need to come and ride the roads of Utah.  And you will be convinced, as we are, that only God is capable of creating such grandeur. 

We had spent a great deal of time in and around St. George during the previous year, both in preparation for and during Shark Week III.  Certainly Zion National Park, Cedar Breaks, Bryce Canyon, and the Grand Canyon are some of the most stunning sites anywhere in the world.  But that was a case of "been there, done that" for these road veterans.  There was a whole undiscovered part of Utah that even native Troy, who has lived in Utah for all but seven of his soon-to-be-forty years of existence, had not seen.

The morning greeted us with sprinkles of rain, just a light dusting was how our host described it.  Nothing too bad - shouldn't last long.  We proceeded to  assemble our gear and prepped the bikes and began to back out of Troy's garage, which arguably could put the Ferrari research department and building to shame.  To say that Troy's bike garage is large and impressive is to say that Chrissy Teagan is kind of cute. 

Every Biker's Dream Garage

As we backed out to the street we noted Troy pulling on a full rain suit, boot covers, and little windshield washers for his helmet.  The California guys, none of whom had seen rain for at least 364 days, looked at each other wondering what exactly might constitute a major rain concern.  Shrugging, we brushed it off.  Note to selves:  when native folks don rain gear, it would be advisable to follow suit. 

Departing St. George the California contingent noted that the rain was indeed just a light dusting and did not appear to be long-lasting......until out pants felt somewhat moist.....and small rooster tails began to appear beneath the tires of the riders up front....and Troy's little windshield washers went into high speed mode. It was official - we were riding in rain.  Oddly, one of us was uncharacteristically happy about this.  You see, the riders had decided to conduct a Rain Milage Pool, which had the two losers buying dinner for the one winner who pegged the point at which we would first run into rain. 

Winner Winner, He Gets Dinner

Ron had chosen somewhere in Colorado, Kenny had chosen some remote city called Papillion, NE, and oddly, Mark had chosen Cedar City, Utah, which was about five miles from where we officially decided that it was rain.  So it is that Mark will be treated to a delicious meal, all expenses paid.........at Hillbilly Hot Dogs!!

Braving the rain, the group forged through Utah all the way to......Utah.  Yes, that's how beautiful Utah is - we couldn't even bear to leave it as we tried to force ourselves toward Maine.  Somehow we put 453 miles on the bikes today, yet at this writing we are still in the state.  Almost out, though!

One last experience to pass along - having checked into our hotel, when asking about a good place to dine in Monticello, Utah, we were advised to go to the best place in town, the D & C Restaurant.  Apparently D & C stands for Dilated and Crowning, for out hostess/waitress/cashier was by all accounts roughly eleven months pregnant. 

Order for five.....make that eleven!!

We swear we could hear contractions as we placed our orders off the kiddy menu - yes the kiddy menu.  Fearing the commencement of labor, we thought that was the most expeditious order.  We were hungry after all.  The story ends well - we got our meals and the world now has a new set of sextuplets, easily doubling the population of Monticello.

The adventure continues tomorrow as we venture into and through the state of Colorado.  Can that be any more eventful than today? 

Day 1 - Two Troubled Helmets

ll it didn't take long to stumble upon our first character.  Our very first fuel stop resulted in a fascinating meeting with a gentleman named Anthony. 

Anthony approached us…..errr make that staggered toward us with a look of curiosity mixed with puzzlement mixed with….a stupor.  Of course the first question everyone seems to ask is "Where ya headin'?"  and that's what Anthony wanted to know.  We told him he wouldn't believe us and he challenged us to try him.  "Maine" was the response.  "Whoa, no way!!! Really? as he staggered back against the wall.  Once recovered he informed us that he too was heading out on the road….To Denver….on a lawnmower.  A John Deere lawnmower.  Problem was we didn't see a lawnmower anywhere near the gas pumps.  We noted that he already had the helmet, but he shook his head and informed us that the helmet was for a tumor.  Oops.  After some small talk, which included his imminent quarter million dollar windfall and his seven years of living on the streets, by choice, he emphasized, he asked us where we were heading.  Maine we told him.  "Whoa, no way!!! was his response….again.  Then he got to the point, which was to ask for a little money so he could get a beer.  We happily complied and bid our new friend Anthony adieu. 

Anthony - Ready to Head to Denver on His Lawnmower

Things proceeded without any significant events as we made our way through California and Nevada.  Not more than a mile into Arizona Ron was leading the gang through a wonderful two-lane section of old highway 91 enjoying the scenic beauty and the rolling, twisting road....until he noted that his faithful companions, Kenny and Mark, were no longer behind him.  Standard motorcycling procedure calls for the group from which the separation occurs to stop and wait for the separated group to catch up.  The group of one, which was the group that had been separated from, did just that, pulling over, and watching the mirrors in vain for headlights to appear.  After several minutes when no such headlights appeared the separated from group turned around looking for the stranded followers.  It didn't take long to find the two followers with bikes pulled over to the side of the road and the followers roaming across the two lane highway collecting.....things.  Things that looked vaguely familiar to Ron.  It took a while for the items to come into focus, the most recognizable of which was a large white helmet.  Hmm, Ron thought to himself, that helmet looks like the one that was tied to the back of.........oh, crap! 

Yes rolling down the scenic, beautiful, rolling, twisting two lane highway has somehow resulted in dislodging the helmet which was described by the followers as having "exploded" off the back of Ron's bike.  Scratch one modular Shuberth C3 helmet.  Maybe Anthony can put it to good use on his journey to Denver.

The Oreo Expedition Begins

Take a good look at the intrepid motorcycle enthusiasts.  That's as happy as they're likely to be for the next 18 days or so for this marks the beginning of the 2014 Oreo Expedition!  

Mj's Double, Nutter Mutter, and Stray Mutt, otherwise known as Kenny, Mark, and Ron, are setting off on another exciting motorcycle adventure.  This time the destination is Maine!  With the Pacific Ocean behind them at this point, the goal is to duplicate this image with the Atlantic Ocean behind them in just ten days.  Yikes!

Yes, from one extreme corner of the country to the other, these three are sure to experience highs, lows, and endless hours of shear boredom as they make their way to Shark Week IV, the annual gathering of the Harley Road Glides, putting an expected 8,000 miles under their wheels.  We're not sure what's going to happen, but we can assure you that something - many things - will happen!

So follow along with us and enjoy the experience - The 2014 Oreo Expedition!!